Our movie begins in flame, and I got $5 bucks, here, says it will p'rolly end in the same ... Anyways, considering all the fire, mournful wailing, and red tinted film, I'm gonna assume we're in some undetermined circle of hell. And from behind a fiery pulpit, Petey Wheatstraw (Rudy Ray Moore) delivers an even fiery sermon on how he came to be in this current predicament:

It all started on the day our hero was born ... And as a stock-footage hurricane rages outside, inside a run down shanty Wheatstraw's mother is in the frantic and frenetic final stages of labor (-- and judging by the size of her load she's gonna have quintuplets). When the doctor finally arrives, he joins in on the expectant couple's overblown hysterics, sticks his head under the covers to help with the delivery, but the first thing that comes out is a watermelon. Tossing the soon to be running gag aside, the doctor goes back under, screams, and comes back out again, declaring the unborn baby just bit him! Then, with one final push, a huge baby comes out, diapers and all. (Basically, Mrs. Wheatstraw just gave birth to an eleven year old.) Slapped in the behind to get him breathing, the newborn takes offense, mouths off (-- it's Moore alright), and attacks. After which, the baby goes after his father for -- well, constantly poking at him for the last nine months. But when his mother orders him to stop this tomfoolery, right now, or she'll whup him upside the head, the mutant baby stops. And when she reveals his name will be Petey Wheatstraw, this sounds more like a curse than a blessing.

As the credits roll, and Petey's obnoxious theme music is permanently etched into our brain, we watch as a teenaged Wheatstraw is attacked by three neighborhood toughs. He puts up a good fight, but, hopelessly outnumbered, the bullies beat him up and stomp on the groceries our boy was hauling home to his momma -- until a mysterious stranger intervenes and runs these hooligans off. When this stranger introduces himself as Bantu (Brian Breye), young Petey thanks him and swears that he'll get revenge on those bullies, even if it takes him his whole life. And though this sagely Samaritan warns that using up your whole life seeking vengeance is a terrible waste, he still offers to teach the wayward youth to properly channel that anger and open a can of whup-ass. Thus, for the remainder of the credits, we watch our hero master the Martial Arts until the day arrives when Bantu tells his pupil he can teach him no more. Surprisingly, after all that effort, Wheatstraw announces that he never wanted to be a kung-fu master and his life-long dream was to be a stand-up comedian to, and I quote, help save the world from misery. After Bantu gives his blessing for this new endeavor, he beseeches his student that, if the need should ever arise, to only use his kung-fu as a weapon against evil.

Next we jump ahead, and now a full grown Petey Wheatstraw is on stage finishing up his latest set. After he's done, he rounds up his entourage -- Jimmy (Jimmy Lynch) and Ted (Ted Clemmons) -- and catches a plane for the next gig at his friend Steve's nightclub in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, in L.A., two rival owners, Leroy (Leroy Daniels) and Skillet (Ernest Mayhand), make their own deal with a different kind of devil, securing a large sum of money from a Mr. White (George Mireless) to renovate their club in exchange for a share of the profits. Notorious for busting heads if one of his investments goes tits up, Mr. White is assured that this new pad will be the hottest spot in town because all the big acts are out on the road by now, leaving them with no competition. Ominously, Mr. White says they'd better hope this is so ... Awhile later, Petey and his gang arrive in L.A., and their first stop is a radio station to plug his gig at Steve's Den. (And I think the DJ suffers from a lack of soul, which won't make sense unless you've seen Amazon Women on the Moon.) When Skillet hears this broadcast, and realizes Wheatstraw's new show coincides with their grand opening, the panicked patron quickly fills in his partner, who says they'll just have to convince the comedian to postpone the engagement -- and if he refuses to cooperate, says Leroy, verbally cracking his knuckles, they'll just have to get more persuasive...

And so, our Sinister Soul Cinema retrospective ends with one helluva bang thanks to the one, and only, Rudy Ray Moore. About dang time we got around to reviewing one of his movies, too, and I can't think of any reason why it shouldn't be this one. Ask your average B-Movie or Blaxpo fan about Moore and they'll automatically think of his Dolemite movies. Not me. Nope. To me, Rudy Ray will always be Petey Wheatstraw.

As the legend goes, Moore based his whole Dolemite routine on some wild and hilarious tales a wino named Rico would spin about a foul-mouthed, tough-talking, über-pimp while loitering at a Los Angeles record store Moore managed in the mid-1960's. Moore began his career as a R&B singer, and expanded his act with some lewd and explicit lyrical comedy stylings while serving in the army. When he got out, Moore released several, self-produced comedy albums, where he preached about his sexual prowess and all the chicks he nailed, and became somewhat of a minor sensation, but his bawdy rhymes kept him out of most mainstream venues. But after incorporating Rico's character as an alter-ego in the Eat Out More Often album, by 1975 Moore was ready to take Dolemite to the masses in the form of a motion picture. And a truly unique experience that turned out to be for audiences, too, who were soon rewarded with a sequel, The Human Tornado, which offered more busted rhymes, bold fashion statements, and some of the most deliriously atrocious action sequences one could possibly hope to encounter. They're awesome to behold, and I highly recommend both of them.

Dolemite was written and produced by Moore, and was directed by D'Urville Martin, a solid character actor, who had worked for the likes of Larry Cohen (Black Caeser) and William Girdler (The Zebra Killer). Cliff Roquemore was in the director's chair for The Human Tornado, and he would follow that up by directing and writing the script for Moore's follow up, Petey Wheatstraw. Now, the origin of this film can probably be traced back to a couple of Depression-era blues musicians, William Bunch and Robert Johnson. Bunch had adopted Peetie Wheatstraw as stage name, and was a huge influence on the younger Johnson, who, according to legend, met the Devil at a crossroads, made a pact, and offered his soul to the Cloven One for fortune and glory. And as the story goes, the Devil agreed (-- and according to some sources this "devil" was actually Bunch), then took and tuned the young man's guitar, and the rest, as they say, is history. As for Bunch/Wheatstraw, who was, by all accounts, also well endowed in the gift of self-aggrandizing gab, it was widely believed that he sold his soul to the Devil, too, earning himself the nickname, the Devil's Son-in-Law. Apparently, the singer became possessed by a demonic persona as he stomped out his refrains, and some would argue that Bunch/ Wheatstraw's untimely death in a car accident in 1945 was the Devil collecting his due.

Moore's Wheatstraw, the High Sheriff of Hell, debuted back in 1973 on The Third Rudy Ray Moore Album: The Cockpit, and listening to that track there really isn't all that much of a difference between Dolemite and Wheatstraw, which probably explains why there wasn't all that much of a difference between the film versions, either. So, it's just more of the same scatological buffoonery as we pick up the action at Steve's Den, where the owner is currently arguing over the condition of the dressing rooms with his talent, who thinks they resemble an old shit-house. Amazingly, Steve (Wildman Steve Gallon -- who went on to greater blaxploitation infamy with Super Soul Brother --) then waxes that, somehow, a man's fecal matter output directly correlates with his ability to make love (-- but I ain't even going to touch that one). Luckily for the audience, the conversation shifts gears. Seems Petey is also upset that no promotional posters for his show have been put out yet, but Ted says no worries; he'll take care of it, with a little help from his younger brother, Larry (Bryan Roquemore). Outside, they find the Cosby kids from the old Fat Albert cartoon in the process of stripping their limo. First busting out a rhyme, Petey then starts busting some heads in a scene that is one part Benny Hill, one part Three Stooges, and one part Fellini that has to be seen to be truly believed. To make a long story short: our hero runs the Cosby kids down and attacks them with his kung-fu (-- and judging by his skill, he's forgotten everything Bantu taught him); but when their kung-fu proves even worse than his, Petey whips 'em good and makes them put his car back together.

Back at the rival club, Scarface Willie (Marvin Jones) returns with a stolen poster for Petey's debut and shows it to the bosses, who go ballistic. Figuring Petey is staying at Nell's place, like he always does, apparently, Leroy wants to call and negotiate with him until Skillet points out that the motor-mouthed comedian might still be mad at them. As to why and for what, we'll have to wait as we switch to Nell's house, where Petey is about to introduce Nell (Ebony Wright) to Petey Jr. until the phone interrupts them. It's Leroy, and yes, Petey's still mad at them over some money they owe. However, Leroy offers to pay it all back if he'll just cancel his impending show, but Petey refuses and hangs up. Rebuffed, Leroy tells Scarface Willie to put the squeeze on Petey, by roughing up his associates, to help change his mind. Rounding up the Jimmy Walker Goon Squad, Willie finds Ted at his mother's house having a heart to heart with Larry about staying in school. Outnumbered, Ted tells Larry to get in the house, but he stays and tries to help. A fight breaks out, a gun is pulled, a shot is fired, Larry takes one in the chest, and the young man gives quite a scene as he dies in his older brother's arms. (Seriously! It's pretty danged good.)

Ted, Petey, and Jimmy all serve as pallbearers at Larry's funeral. But as the funeral procession moves outside the church, Willie and the Jimmy Walker Goon Squad are waiting in ambush. Catching them off guard, Willie opens up with a machine gun, killing the soloist, the priest, Ted, Jimmy -- and Petey! After the bad guys clear off, a lone figure in a big red bowtie comes upon the scene and surveys the carnage. He calls to Petey -- who miraculously wakes up, and hands the not-so-late comedian a business card that reads: Lucifer -- old Satan himself, and he has a proposition for Petey. But first, Lucifer (G. Tito Shaw) takes Petey to hell, pours him a drink (-- and might I say, hell is pretty swanky), and then gets down to business: if Petey will marry his daughter and give him a son, he will grant Petey the power to gain revenge on those who killed him. Using a crystal ball, the Cloven One shows Leroy and Skillet celebrating the news of his untimely demise. Being Satan, Petey realizes there must be a catch. And there is ... Shown a picture of the Cloven One's daughter -- who fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down -- Petey immediately chooses death and the eternal flames of hell. But then, a mysterious voice from on high (Bantu?) tells him to choose more wisely. And so, hoping to outwit him later, Petey accepts Lucifer's terms.

They drink on it to seal the deal, and Lu promises he'll keep in touch as he unleashes his unholy powers to reverse the events at the funeral. With a wave of his hand, the film reverses itself; blood squibs implode, fallen bodies rise, and the crowd regroups and is sucked back into the church. When the film rights itself, this time, the funeral ends without incident. But suffering from a morbid case of deja vu, Jimmy knows something is seriously off -- and this is confirmed when Petey confesses that he made a deal with the Devil to get revenge on Leroy and Skillet. Jimmy doesn't like the terms, but agrees they've got a score to settle. And their plan begins with Ted luring Scarface Willie and the Jimmy Walker Goon Squad down a blind alley, where they fight -- until Petey shows himself. Since he's supposed to be dead, thinking it's a ghost, the Jimmy Walker Goon Squad flees. Seizing the abandoned Willie, who loudly soils himself, Petey wants him to relay a message to his bosses that, one, he's not dead, and two, he's coming for them.

Leroy and Skillet can hardly believe this, but with Willie's soiled pants as proof they send the Jimmy Walker Goon Squad over to Nell's to finish Petey off once and for all ... Meanwhile, over at Nell's, Petey's love-making is interrupted by the phone again! This time it's Lucifer, who has a present for his future son in law: His cane, and with it, Petey will have all the powers of the Devil at his disposal. Turning his attentions back to Nell, they're interrupted again by the Jimmy Walker Good Squad. Making with his kung-fu -- which consists mostly of him posturing, and posing, and going wooga-booga -- Petey goes to work. One of these attackers has a machete, but he seems content just chopping up Nell's furniture. Then, as the fight spills out onto the balcony, another attacker mysteriously turns white when he's thrown over the side. (No one will notice, keep rolling!) Beyond that, I can't even really begin to describe this fight scene (-- or any Rudy Ray Moore fight scene for that matter), so let's just say Petey vanquishes the Jimmy Walker Goon Squad and sends them scurrying back to Leroy and Skillet.

Rounding up his own posse, Petey heads to the cemetery to retrieve Lucifer's cane. (And when did he tell him where to find it?) While L.A.'s indigenous wolves howl(?) away at the full moon, Petey drags the frightened Jimmy into the graveyard, where they hear another, mournful wail -- but discover it's only a drunken bum who fell into an open grave. 

I neglected to tell you that we spent a good five minutes watching the comedic stylings of this ebony Foster Brooks falling in, but I decided to spare you.

Finding Lucifer's cane under an old spare tire, Petey raises it to the sky as stock-footage lightning crashes and thunder booms -- which sounds kinda like the same thunder that was always booming after The Count counted things on Sesame Street. Anyhoo, back at Steve's Den, Nell doesn't think they should mess with the cane and just give it back. Suddenly, the cane comes to life and starts vibrating wildly. As Petey grabs it, the cane pulls him into the bathroom, like a dowsing rod, and points to the trash can, where they find a bomb. Petey grabs the device, and after a rousing game of hot-potato, the bomb drops to the floor and stops ticking. But when Petey picks it back up, the timer starts ticking again. Screaming "It's alive" Petey runs outside and tosses it onto a convenient watermelon truck where it finally explodes. Knowing Leroy and Skillet's grand opening is set for later that night, and knowing they were behind the bomb, Petey promises their rivals a night they'll never forget.

Later, as Leroy and Skillet welcome Mr. White and his wife to their new club, the loan-shark is pleased with the turnout. They've reserved him a table near the stage, where a band, clad in the biggest damn bell bottoms I've ever seen, have got the funk going in full swing. When Petey and his posse arrive, disguised as a bunch of Jamaicans, they manage to bluff their way past Scarface Willie and what's left of the Jimmy Walker Goon Squad. (And I use the word disguise rather loosely -- if just using a bad Rastafarian accent can be considered a disguise at all.) We next find out that Leroy and Skillet are not only the owners of the club, but they're one of the headlining acts. Storming the stage, they tear into their comedy routine, and it is genuinely funny, until Petey raises Lucifer's cane and puts the hypno-whammy on them. Enthralled, their routine turns vulgar as Leroy starts taking nasty and degrading potshots at Mr. White's wife. Skillet tries to shut him up, but is soon calling the audience foul names, too, and admits that they water down all their drinks before Leroy muffles him, announces the next act, and the duo retreats off stage. But the next act fares no better; the song starts off pretty well, but the singer's beautiful voice is soon reduced to an ugly croak. Then Petey zaps her again, causing her wig to fly off, and then her clothes quickly follow suit. Not finished, Petey then uses the cane to whip up a maelstrom that sends everyone scrambling for the exits.

Leaving nothing standing, Petey exits himself. Outside, he sees that Mr. White is already taking care of Leroy and Skillet for him, and Ted has avenged his brother by taking out Scarface Willie ... Watching all of this mayhem and carnage in his crystal ball, Lucifer tells his daughter, hidden behind a black veil, that it's time for Petey to give the Devil his due. He heads over to Steve's Den but only finds Nell. So where's Petey? Well, he's skipping through the ghetto, and using the cane to do good deeds: solving domestic disputes, saving children, turning fat-bottomed girls into slim beauties, and making it rain money. Again, words fail me. When he returns to the club, Petey finds Lucifer, there, waiting for him. Told that he didn't forget their bargain, and is looking forward to marrying his daughter, a placated Lucifer announces the wedding will take place the following day, and he'll be by to pick Petey up at eleven for a midnight wedding -- in hell. With that, before he goes, Lucifer asks for his cane back. When Petey says he needs it for just one more day, Lucifer reluctantly agrees. And after he departs, Petey tells Nell to call up Jimmy and the gang because he's got a plan to beat the Devil.

Ah yes, the plan: seems Jimmy is really good at making things, right? So Petey asks him to make a Petey mask to disguise a drunken bum, and they'll hand him over to the devil instead. To sell this ruse, Petey calls up Lucifer and says that since he's a guru, he must be in deep meditation for his wedding and to not wake him up. His future father-in-law finds it a strange request but is desperate enough to accept these terms. Then, rounding up a wino from skid row, they dope him up, dress him in one of Petey's finest pimp suits, and then top him off with Jimmy's mask to make a perfect match. When Nell worries that this ruse won't last forever, Petey assures her that by the time Lucifer finds out they'll be long gone -- and besides, they have the Devil's cane; and that makes Petey just as strong as He is.

The next morning, we spy a giddy Lucifer, clad in a red jogging suit, out for a morning run. He jogs on over to Steve's Den and heads inside, startling Petey's group, who weren't expecting him until later. Not to worry, Lucifer is there to offer the condemned man a last wish: a bachelor party -- from hell. Escorting Petey to a boarded up funeral home, inside, he finds a swanky, but empty, bedroom. With a snap of his fingers, though, Lucifer conjures up eight beautiful horn-headed [and horny] succubus, tells his son-in-law to have fun, and then leaves him to get to it ... Okay, this next scene is ... well, I -- Wow. And that's all I got.

When Petey returns to Steve's Den with a big smile on his face, the others want to know where he's been but he ain't talking. And since it's almost eleven, they bring out the disguised wino and wait for Lucifer's minions. And they don't have to wait for long as a sudden, evil wind blows through the club. Here, the real Petey hides as two horned demons enter looking for him. Turning the fake Petey over to them, Jimmy and Nell watch as they escort him into a waiting limo. Unfortunately, the wino picks that very moment to wake up, sees his horned drivers, panics, pulls off his mask, and flees into the darkness. In hell, Lucifer and his daughter watch the whole thing on the crystal ball. And while she cries, he sends the Jimmy Walker Demon Squad after Petey for this treachery.

When these minions attack the club, after a brief -- yet extremely comical, scuffle, Petey uses the power of the cane to drive the demons off. Now good and pissed, Lucifer rounds up a crack platoon of demons and charges them to go and capture Petey ... At Nell's house, Petey and Jimmy quickly pack up her things so they can catch a plane and skedaddle. But they weren't fast enough as the crack demon squad attacks -- in an even more comical fight scene! As the fight spills outside, the good guys manage to break away and give the demons the slip. Or so they think, as more demons attack them, who capture Nell. Using the cane to take out the attackers, Petey hears Lucifer calling to him from the roof of a nearby building. He has Nell, and if Petey doesn't surrender, he'll kill her. Petey acquiesces, but, before heading to the roof, he quietly tells Jimmy to go and get the car and meet him out front. Once up top, Petey promises to comply with the original bargain if Lucifer will let Nell go. When the oddly trustful demon agrees, Petey reneges and attacks. Pitting the power of the cane against Lucifer, Petey proves his worth and gives Lucifer a beat down. Picking the defeated devil up, Petey chucks him over the side of the building, where the body bursts into flames before hitting the ground. With the devil vanquished, Petey takes the cane and break it in half over his knee.

Hitting the street, Petey sees Jimmie's car. But when he gets in, across the street, we see an identical car pull up. And inside that car, we see Jimmie and Nell trying to warn him but it's too late. In the other car, Petey brags about beating the Devil until a familiar voice congratulates him on this victory. It's Lucifer, alive and well, and in the front seat, we see that Leroy and Skillet -- complete with horns, are the drivers. There's someone else in the car, too: Lucifer's daughter, and she's pleased to finally meet her future husband. Pulling back her black veil, revealing her hideous face, Petey screams while the others laugh.

The End

When Jim Brown, Fred Williamson, Pam Grier, Richard Roundtree and Ron O'Neal reunited for their Blaxploitation homage, Original Gangstas, I was more than disappointed that Moore didn't even rate a cameo appearance. Actually, I'm surprised that some studio genius hasn't tried to round up Moore, William Marshall, Rosie Greer (-- along with Ray Milland's fake noggin), and Bernie Casey (Dr. Black and Brother Hyde) for a crack at Original Monstas. Heck, to see this, I'd even let them throw in Franken-Eddie and Brother Charles. Hopefully, someone will read this and we'll see it on Netflix in the near future.

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"What you call dirty words -- I call ghetto expression."

-- Rudy Ray Moore

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The written word just cannot do proper justice to the comedic stylings and kung-fu antics of Rudy Ray Moore movies. I have an even tougher time explaining to people why I even like them, let alone champion them, or -- in most cases -- defend them. To each his own, I guess. Truthfully, and I find this kinda puzzling, but, Moore really toned his act down for these film adaptations, and I think they're better for it.

Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son in Law is just one inexplicable scene followed by an even more inexplicable scene, mounting the ever stacking absurdity to Himalayan levels. Moore is never better, and Daniels and Maynard -- Leroy and Skillet -- have several comedy albums floating around out there, too, and were genuinely funny enough, here, that I'd like to hear more. Mention should also be made of Shaw's performance as the dapper Devil, whose efforts had me on his side and glad that he finally nails Wheatstraw in the end.