He Watched It Sober.

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The Horror

of Party Beach

a/k/a Invasion of the Zombies

     "Then they are the undead. They're zombies!"

-- Elaine, that's My Baby's Name     

 

     

Reviews:

Gonzoid Cinema

 

 

Buzzkillers!

Anybody else think that voodoo doll kinda looks like Tina? Anybody else find that really, really creepy?

 

Watch it!

AMAZON

DVD

 
Sights &
Sounds:
The
Horror of
Party Beach
(1964)
 Iselin-Tenney
 Productions
 

 
Zombie
Stomped:
The Bloody
Bona Fide
Genius of
Del Tenney.

Satan in High Heels

Orgy at Lil's Place

Violent Midnight

The Horror of Party Beach

Curse of the Living Corpse

I Eat Your Skin

Descendant

 
 

We begin on the open road, where a souped-up, sax-heavy tune blares over the radio of a young couple driving to the beach, who soon find themselves overrun and surrounded by the local motorcycle club. And while the girl playfully flirts with these leather-boys, much to the boyfriend's annoyance, he gives his MG convertible some gas and soon leaves these cycle-riding hooligans in the dust. Soon arriving at their destination, when Tina (Marilyn Clarke) produces a bottle of liquor and takes a long healthy swig, Hank (John Scott) takes it away and sternly warns her to lay off the booze, which triggers a nasty spat. We get the impression that theyíve had this fight before, but to recap: Tina misses the campus big shot who liked to party, while Hank tells her itís time to grow up and start acting her age. Then things start to get a little cryptic when Tina takes Hank to task about his plans for the future -- and some dubious lab experiments heís involved with, and if he doesn't shape up soon, Tina promises to try a few experiments of her own.

Whatever the hell that means, but Iíve got a pretty good idea. So, between you and me [whisper/] I think Hank and Tina just broke up [/whisper].

Speaking of dubious experiments, we abruptly switch venues to a garbage scow puttering around just off shore, where something sinister is definitely afoot as we can't help but notice the boat is a carrying a buttload of radioactive waste -- itís final destination pretty damned obvious. And this is quickly confirmed when the unseemly crew starts chucking barrels over the side. Not to worry, though. Iím sure these containers are government safety tested and approved and wonít leak for a thousand eons -- he typed erroneously. For as the first barrel hits the bottom, the plug-screw immediately plops out, allowing a slew of toxic sludge to spill into the ocean. And when this swill eventually washes over an old shipwreck, we spy a displaced human skull that is quickly engulfed in the noxious cloud, and after a long and rather clumsy in-camera transformation sequence, the skull eventually mutates into one of the goofiest looking screen monster since Ro-Man stalked the Earth:

Ladies and Gentlemen: Thee Horror of Party Beach.

( To quote Tom Servo: "Ah, I see radiation has a sense of humor." )

Then, as this google-eyed and knock-kneed fish monster, it's mouth stupefyingly stuffed with bratwursts, stands up and starts to prowl around, we switch back to the beach, where the local denizens shimmy and shammy to the rocking tunes of The Dynamic Del-Aires. (Only the greatest friggin' b-movie rock-n-roll band ever. For more on them, check out our official Del-Aires Tribute Page.) Now, as good as the band is, and no matter how goofy the monster looks, they both come up pale when compared to the equally frightening misfires of rhythm that are attempted by the locals, as men in short shorts and anorexic women flail around in some kind of stupor. Joining them in this group seizure, Tina bumps Elaine Gavin out of the conga-line just as the motorcycle gang catches up and starts to make their presence known. And when Tina starts to flirt with them again, zeroing in on the hunky leader, Hank, now completely disgusted with her, leaves the scene to take in the other sights and cool off. When Elaine (Alice Lyon) follows him, offering a penny for his thoughts, we find out that Hank works for her father, Dr. Gavin, a noted scientist of ... something, as they exchange some very stilted dialogue about Hank's troubles with Tina -- until a rowdy commotion attracts them back to the dance ... Apparently, a tipsy Tina has decided to do a dance for the Leader of the Pack that would probably get her arrested in several States. When a jealous Hank steps in and cuts it short, saying they're leaving, the biker has other ideas as the scene quickly degenerates into a Charles Atlas ad when he sucker punches our hero, and then kicks sand in his face while he's down!

Hank retaliates, and as the inevitable rumble breaks out between the beachniks and the bikers, we can only watch dumbstruck, for, as unfathomable as this may sound, as disturbing as their [I hate to call it] dancing was, their fighting prowess and techniques prove even more inept. (I think my favorite part is when the bikers use their leader as a battering ram and run Hank over.) When the scrum pile gets out of hand, Hank and the biker decide to settle things mano-a-mano. And as the others move back and circle up to give them room, a few more, Shatner-inspired fighting moves follow until the lifeguards mercifully bring this "fight" to an end ... After the main combatants shake hands and make nice, Tina tries to apologize to Hank but she's finally broken the last straw with him, making them official residents of Splitsville. She turns to the biker, but he's seen enough, too, and also splits. All alone, Tina celebrates her new found independence by stripping down to her bathing suit and swims out to a solitary outcropping of rocks just offshore.

Back on the beach, when the mighty, mighty Del-Aires crank up "The Zombie-Stomp" (-- only the best friggin' b-movie rock-n-roll song ever), the locals try to dance again (-- god bless 'em). Out on the rocks, Tina listens and starts to sun herself -- not noticing that a certain mutated Sea Monkey has surfaced and is now stalking her...

To the audience's surprise, instead of laughing, Tina screams at the monster when it pounces on her. But as the thing moves in for the kill, the tone of the attack -- the entire picture, for that matter -- shifts gears into something perversely grotesque as the monster caresses / slashes the hapless girl to ribbons...

For the longest time, The Horror of Party Beach was only available in a severely truncated version, a version where almost eight minutes of footage was removed to make it more Standards & Practices friendly when it was packaged and sold off to TV after its theatrical run played out. Even without those missing scenes, the film earned itself a strong cult-following over the years for its bizarre monster and rockin' tunes, but when you put those eight minutes back in, you take a highly entertaining piece of schlock and turn it into one of the greatest gonzoidal movie classics of all time! And here's how it came to be:

After a solid career as a New York based stage actor and theatrical roustabout, when Del Tenney got married, to fellow actress Margot Hartman, and had a couple of kids, he decided to switch professions to something a little less time-consuming that didn't call for all-night rehearsals and extended road tours. Wanting to stay in the arts, and with a desire to leave a more permanent legacy for his career in the same, he ingratiated himself into New York's seedier film scene, and using his theater connections, landed a few bit parts in some early burlesque films, where he was soon drawn behind the camera, which garnered him a few assistant-director credits for the likes of Satan in High Heels and Orgy at Lil's Place. While learning the trade with these sleaze-noirs, Tenney crossed paths with Richard Hilliard, another fledgling writer/director, who had churned out his own little opus to sexual-dysfunction gone homicidal with The Lonely Sex. Together, these two would collaborate on a similar project, Violent Midnight ... Taking a cue from Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, [producer] Tenney and [director] Hilliard's stark and grisly whodunit may appear to be a cheap-jack exploitation piece on the surface, but the devil, as they say, is in the details, and when you start peeling back the layers you'll find a movie with some interesting ideas, a steady and stylish eye behind the camera, and a fearless attitude as it aggressively pushed well beyond what mainstream Hollywood would/could allow at the time. But the true secret of the film's success both artistically and economically, in all of Tenney's films, actually, is that Tenney and his crew took the time and effort to make their $40000 budget seem like $45000. Now, that may not seem like much, but if you took a straw poll of equally budgeted genre films, and do a little contemporary compare and contrast, I think you'll see what I'm getting at. Just because its cheap doesn't mean it can't be made better with a little focus, ingenuity, and effort -- a "keep it simple, stupid" attitude whose main goal was to give the viewer what they paid to see without the usual bait and switch. Audiences seemed to appreciate the effort, and after a name change to Psycho-mania, Violent Midnight went on to earn Tenney Productions a tidy profit.

Alan V. Iselin, meanwhile, was a regional entrepreneur who ran a string of theaters out of Albany, New York. Seeing the business the locally produced Violent Midnight was pulling in, Iselin, wanting to expand his empire into film production, like a lot of other chain-owners looking for a bigger piece of the box-office pie, sent out feelers to Tenney through a mutual acquaintance about the possibility of making another film for him. Tenney agreed, and this time taking their cue from American International, who were raking it in with their Beach Party and Poe franchises, the duo settled on co-financing a double-bill in the same vein. And also like AIP, the films began with a just couple of titillating titles Iselin cooked up, The Curse of the Living Corpse and The Horror of Party Beach, in which a script was then concocted to fit. Originally, Curse of the Living Corpse was to be the top bill, was shot first, and shows more polish with its gothic setting and cast culled from Tenney's theater buddies. And it's a pretty good film, too, much better than being just Roy Scheider's anomalous film debut, but it was destined to become a second banana to the second feature that was still being scripted by Hilliard while Living Corpse was shot.

Once filming finally commenced on The Horror of Party Beach, in and around Tenney's hometown of Stamford, Connecticut, a major rewrite was soon thrust upon the production when the lead biker, who was supposed to have a more substantial role, ala Harvey Lembeck's Eric von Zipper, was badly injured while filming the opening driving sequence. And though John Scott and Alice Lyon sorely lack the charisma of Frankie and Annette, Tenney and Hilliard threw every other Beach Party staple into the mix, and even went so far as to chuck in a couple of Paul Blaisdell inspired monsters for a bit of a kick. But where their film starts to venture off course and enter virgin territory is during the shockingly blunt and violently graphic, chocolate-syrup-fueled rampages, exemplified by the inaugural attack on Tina, that is deftly juxtaposed with scenes of general corniness back on the beach, where the music and dancing drown out her screams, leaving an unsuspecting audience completely gob-smacked by the carnage its witnessing. And once this dastardly deed is done, and the audience -- their eyes now fully open, realizes they're in for something a little different, the satiated monster returns to the water, leaving the body behind, that eventually washes ashore, bringing the party at Party Beach to a very abrupt end.

Despite several eye-witness accounts, the police donít put much stock in the notion that a monster killed Tina, and feel it must have been a shark attack. [Insert "Weíve got to close the beaches" joke here.] But when that theory doesn't pan out forensically, the lead detectives decide to consult Dr. Gavin and have him run a few lab tests on some samples they recovered at the crime scene -- and samples of what, exactly? Hello? Movie? ... Dr. Gavin (Allan Laurel), meanwhile, is in the midst of one of those awkward father-daughter talks with Elaine before heading to Tina's funeral. Seems Elaine is feeling a little guilty because the body isnít even cold yet and she's already got the hots for Hank. And it's at this point that I'll pause and say, as the heroine, Elaine is the creepiest one Iíve ever encountered. But turns out this condition is hereditary, as dear old dad gently pats her on the head and says not to worry her pretty little head about such morbid things and is sure it will all work out in the end ... Later, while Gavin works through the evidence in his basement lab, his fretful maid, Eulabelle (Eulabelle Moore), tries to convince him the killer has got to be a voodoo-fueled zombie. Laughing at this sad stereotype's silly superstitions, the good doctor slowly walks her through the Rational Explanation Process until they're interrupted by Elaine, who came down to say goodnight before turning in. Her father is a little surprised to see her, though, thinking she was supposed to be attending a slumber party that evening. She was, but Elaine didn't feel like going and is promptly scolded for neglecting to inform the hosts of her decision.

After Elaine dials up her friends and apologizes for skipping out, the slumber party reaches a fever pitch in the form of an all-girl pillow fight, pushing this movie to a whole new level of awesome. The gaggle of girls have also gotten wind that the local fraternity is planning on crashing the party and rig-up an unpleasant surprise for them dangling over the door. With that done, the party continues until they hear someone moving around outside. Dowsing the lights, everyone quiets down and waits to spring the trap. But it isn't the Alpha Betas lurking about, it's a whole horde of sea creatures! (E'yup, thereís more than one of the pigeon toed critters.) Alas, the bucket of water over the door does little to deter them, leaving the pajama clad victims completely defenseless in the dark against the coming wholesale slaughter ... Confusion reigns as the creatures break in from all sides and start buzz-sawing through girls, slashing and biting, ripping and tearing, and consuming whatever they manage to unhinge. And those the monsters don't tear apart and kill are carried back to their watery lair to snack or snog on later.

As reports of the vicious attack go out over the airwaves and do a Sit-n-Spin on the local newspaper's front page, the authorities can no longer live in denial over the monster's existence and promise a worried public that all is being done to find and destroy the creatures, including rounding up a bunch of experts, led by Dr. Gavin, to help resolve the problem. But before they can even convene, we have another, deadly interlude when three gals from New York temporarily displace themselves, stop for gas, and get directions back to the freeway. Unfortunately, they ask the wrong gas pump jockey (-- director Del Tenney getting his Hitchcock on), who gives them some very confusing directions that involve a dubious short-cut through Fingle's Quarry. Then, to make their long trip even longer, the ladies suffer a blow-out near the abandoned mine and are soon overcome by an awful stench emanating from the stagnant pool of water in the basin. Turns out something's gotten a whiff of them, too, as several creatures emerge and pounce as the girls try to swap out the spare. One of the trio manages to survive the attack by taking refuge in the car's trunk, I think, while the others are carried off to a watery grave.

Meanwhile, back at the Gavin residence, still confused about her feelings for Hank and perhaps wracked with a little survivor's guilt, Elaine is still depressed despite Eulabelle's best efforts to cheer her up. As she fondles her teddy bear (-- like I said, creepy), Elaine notices that Eulabelle carries a doll, too, that turns out to be a voodoo doll. When Elaine expresses amazement that the maid would believes in such nonsense, Eulabelle slowly walks her through the Don't Knock the Supernatural speech, but is interrupted when Hank comes calling, wanting to take Elaine out for a ride. She accepts, but when they return to the beach for the Moonlight Dance, the scene is far from jumping. To help get things started, Elaine makes a special request to the band for a slow song, and then the magical music of the Del-Aires brings our couple together. 

Awww ... it was meant to be. It just took one slow song -- and several ghastly murders, to make it happen.

Back in town, when their ride doesn't show up, two young ladies decide to take the risk and walk home from the theater. Little do they realize but a monster is already stalking them, but as it closes in for the kill, their ride pulls up. Now, observe how the monster is about six inches away, in full view, and under a streetlight, but neither the gals, nor the driver, can spot him and his outstretched claws. (What? They thought it was a tree or something?) Whichever or whatever, the girls safely pile in and drive away, none the wiser. Outraged at missing out on a meal, the monster stumps along the storefronts, where it mistakes a mannequin for the real thing and breaks through the glass, but only manages to lop its own hand off on the resulting shards before retreating.

Delivering the severed appendage to Dr. Gavin for analysis, after the obligatory sci-babble is safely tucked away, he announces to the detectives that the creature is some kind of sea anemone. He's also deduced that since itís cellular structure is so unstable, it needs to replenish itself with human blood to stay alive. The thing isnít dead, he extrapolates, but it isnít really alive, either. If that's so, Elaine points out, then Eulabelle was right all along: they are the undead, and, being zombies, are going to be really difficult to kill. Once that point is given time to properly sink in, the gathered ensemble hear something approaching and kill the lights. To their relief, it's only Eulabelle, but when the old maid sees the ghastly severed hand, she flies into hysterics and accidentally knocks over a cask of chemical powder. And when that powder hits the soggy appendage, the hand explodes in a flash of light, leaving a smoldering pile of ash in its place. Eulabelle's apologies are quickly shushed so Gavin can congratulate her for discovering how to kill the creature. Apparently, the cask contained sodium -- "a metal that reacts violently with water" -- but even though they've found the creature's Achilles Heel, they still have no clue where to find them.

Meanwhile (-- and stop me if you've heard this one), two drunks are run out of a bar, and when they smash their cars into each other in the parking lot, decide to walk to the next nearest watering hole and celebrate their wreck. Even in their extreme stupor, these yahoos can still hear someone following them, but spot no one and continue to stumble along until they come upon a truck parked on the side of the road with its headlights on. Always helpful, when one of the men jumps in the cab to shut the lights off, he discovers the driver is still behind the wheel. He then discovers that half of the driverís face is gone, bails out in a panic, and circles back to where he left his buddy, only to find something has killed him, too. And in keeping with the buddy-buddy theme, the monster obliges the last man standing by adding him to the menu, too ... After this latest round of murders, a hilarious montage of monster attacks follows, including one gal getting attacked in a swimming pool. And while several policemen drive around and come in and out of buildings, and the local newspaper headlines get stuck on the spin-cycle, decrying more monster attacks, Dr. Gavin and Hank feverishly sweat over their equipment as more nubile young women scream and get carried off to their doom in the depths of Fingle's Quarry. When Hank goes over the latest test results and discovers that the leftover tissue from the hand is radioactive, the quarter finally drops for Dr. Gavin, who then walks Hank through the Eureka Moment. Taking it all in, Hank mentions the Floating Pig (-- now, Hank, that's no way to talk about Elaine), the name of the garbage scow that's been dumping hazardous material from the college into the bay. Pinpointing the exact dumpsite on a map, they realize it's very close to where a fishing boat recently sank with all hands onboard. Putting it all together, Dr. Gavin believes the radioactive monsters must be the mutated reanimated corpses of those lost sailors and hits upon the plan to use Geiger-counters to detect the monster's hidden lair. 

So, while Dr. Gavin, Elaine, and the detectives start scouring and scanning every pond, creek and riverbed for any trace of the dastardly beasties, Hank is sent to New York City to pick up an industrial size vat of sodium ... After a long and fruitless day of searching, Gavin returns home and asks Eulabelle if Elaine has made it back yet. She hasn't, and when Eulabelle offers that his daughter went to test Fingleís Quarry, Gavin jumps up and scolds himself for not realizing it sooner: Fingleís Quarry is the deepest body of water around -- and itís right were those three girls from New York were attacked and killed. Telling Eulabelle to call the police and relay his realization, Gavin gathers up what little sodium he has left in the lab and heads out to save his unsuspecting daughter -- who, at this very moment, is gathering a water sample at zombie ground zero, when she realizes her Geiger-counter has started ticking, and is rapidly picking up the beat! Retreating from the water, just as the monsters start to surface, Elaine manages to trip and get her foot stuck in a rock (-- donít ask.) As she screams and struggles, the monsters creeping ever closer -- there appears to be about ten of them all told, Elaine manages to free her foot and limps away, too slow, as the monsters close in for the kill...

On his way back from New York, the police intercept Hank and his garbage can full of sodium, and then provide him an escort to the Quarry, where Dr. Gavin arrives just in time to save Elaine by giving the nearest creature a face full of caustic minerals. Alas, that was all he had, and as the monsters keep on coming, he throws himself between them and his daughter and takes a beating. Luckily, for the both of them, the cavalry soon arrives, and using the chunks of sodium like hand grenades, start pelting the advancing horde, who are quickly flash-fried when struck. Hank nails the monster on top of Gavin, but as it flashes and burns up, the victim gets a little scorched, too. Once he's dragged to safety, the others continue to pelt the creatures, and after several tense moments, punctuated by some ear-splitting stings on the soundtrack, all the monsters go up in smoke ... In the aftermath, the injured Gavins are helped back to the waiting patrol cars as an all clear goes out over the police band.

Several days later, when Hank calls on a recuperating Elaine, Eulabelle shows him to her room. Saying he just saw Dr. Gavin, who is fine and will be getting out of the hospital in about a week, the two lovers embrace as the camera pans to the left to reveal a voodoo doll on Elaineís nightstand ... A voodoo doll that bears an uncanny resemblance to Tina.

 Like I said: CREEPY.

The End

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    "You can't be logical in a film like this. You just have to go along with it."

-- Del Tenney

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It was production designer Robert Verberkmoes who came up with the unique look for the mutated zombie fish-men for The Horror of Party Beach, when his first, shambling mass-of-sponges, attempt failed to pass muster with his producer (-- they do still show up in the film, looking like the Cookie Monster's demented cousin, and can be seen munching on a hand during the slumber-party massacre.) And it was Verberkmoes who made the fateful decision to stuff the creature's gaping maw with "hot-dogs" instead of fangs. Cobbled together with patterned scales, glue, ping-pong balls, and the dismembered fingers of several pairs of rubber gloves, once seen, as incredulous as it appears, the ungainly critters do leave a lasting -- and some would argue, permanent, impression on many a viewer.

Realizing they had produced something much better than anticipated, and smelling more money to be made, Iselin used his distribution connections to get a meeting with 20th Century Fox, to see if they would be interested in picking up and releasing the twin-bill nationally. And according to legend, when Iselin and Tenney took the films to Fox's New York offices to screen the rough-cuts, Tenney had Verberkmoes put on one of the monster suits and hid him in a bathroom, where he was soon discovered by the head of distribution, who nearly dropped dead of a heart attack. According to several interviews, Tenney claims this gag helped seal the deal. True or not, Fox was in, and after promoting The Horror of Party Beach to the top of the marquee, feeling it was more exploitable, the films made there national premiere at a drive-in in Texas, where it quickly cleaned up -- almost doubling the grosses of Fox's PT 109 and Move Over Darling. After that, 50 prints soon morphed into 500, and the entire country was soon overrun by bratwurst-bogarting horrors of the deep.

To help promote the film, Iselin borrowed a gimmick from William Castle's Macabre with the FRIGHT RELEASE, which were passed out to the audience as they entered the theater.

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"WARNING: Because the two films are packed with horror and frightening action and suspense, the management feels that the public should be warned in advance so that the faint of heart may take the necessary precautions. At the same time, the theater is seeking protection by issuing a ĎFright Releaseí certificate to absolve the management of all responsibility of death by fright."

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Also included in the films promotional kit was a record featuring well-known horror host, Zacherly, to be played in the lobby, encouraging people to see the film. Theater owners were also encouraged to stock and display "Shock Pills" and smelling salts that were to be used in case anyone got too frightened and passed out. And though the posters for The Horror of Party Beach claim it to be the first Monster Musical thatís not quite true. Ray Dennis Stecklerís The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies made the same claim, and since it came out a year earlier, it should rightfully bear that distinction. However, The Horror of Party Beach can lay an undisputed claim as the first ever Monster Panty Raid movie (-- although I point out the coeds were still inside those panties they were stealing...).

The film was also adapted into a fumeti-style comic by Wally Wood and Russ Jones for Hal Warren; the same publisher who produced Famous Monsters of Filmland. Taking still pictures from the negative, the artists then laid word balloons over the action. Some artistic license was taken for the publication, however, as the bratwursts were removed from the monsterís mouth and replaced with a vicious set of fangs. And it was only in this publication, for the longest time, where a person could see all the excised gore. Beyond that, we were stuck with washed-out prints that had degenerated so badly you couldn't even see what was going on during the night scenes, which bled over to some unwarranted grief and calls of ineptitude on the filmmakers part. But now, thanks to the fine folks at Dark Sky Films, all three pictures, Violent Midnight, The Horror of Party Beach, and The Curse of the Living Corpse, have been cleaned up and restored to their original versions, the last two in their proper, widescreen aspect ratios. And I encourage all of you who've only seen the edited and degenerated versions -- or the one Mystery Science Theater lampooned -- to give The Horror of Party Beach another shot.

After turning the films over to Fox, the production team was apparently content to pocket the money and go their separate ways. After having helped churn out the equally gonzorific Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster, Iselin dropped off the cinematic map. Hilliard stayed in the game a little while longer, helming a few more no-budget skin-flicks. Tenney, meanwhile, struck out on his own but struck out with Voodoo Bloodbath, where everything that went right for him before went horribly, horribly wrong. So wrong that the film failed to find a distributor and sat on the shelf for six years until Jerry Gross picked it up and changed the title to I Eat Your Skin to match up as a double-feature with his own, I Drink Your Blood. Beyond that, Tenney seemed to be content with the impression his earlier films made, and invested their profits into several real estate ventures that have kept him in the black ever since.

Whether itís the inexplicable googley-eyed monsters, the surprising explosions of gore, or the twang of the infectious songs sung by The Del-Aires, The Horror of Party Beach is a total blast; a true cinematic romp that has some unexpected bite to it. Yes, the acting is terrible, the plot somewhat asinine, but to simply write it off as another B-Movie also ran is completely wrong-headed -- especially if you've only seen the edited version. The plusses far outweigh the minuses, in my book, and for those of you who are as of yet uninitiated to this thing, I say, come for the goofy-assed monsters, but stay for a pretty damned entertaining movie.

The Horror of Party Beach (1964) Iselin-Tenney Productions :: 20th Century Fox / P: Alan V. Iselin, Del Tenney / D: Del Tenney / W: Richard Hilliard / C: Richard Hilliard / E: Gary Youngman / M: Wilford L. Holcombe / S: John Scott, Alice Lyon, Marilyn Clarke, Allan Laurel
Originally Posted: 12/22/99 :: Rehashed: 11/15/09

Knuckled-out by Chad Plambeck: misspeller of words, butcher of all things grammatical, and king of the run on sentence. Copy and paste at your own legal risk. Questions? Comments? Shoot us an e-mail.

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